Throughout High School it becomes apparent that furthering one's knowledge requires hard work. To help further my education, I have taken the Honors and AP courses, and because I have done so, I feel that I am adequately prepared for college. I look forward to going to college so that I can continue to gain more knowledge, so I can continue to challenge myself and become a better person.
Did this statement work?
Yes, given that this student had a 3.99 GPA, an ACT score of 31 and had taken 5 AP tests, all with scores above a 4 (mostly 5s,) the personal statement was merely a formality.
A Bad One
My name is Doe Dough and I'm a senior at North High School in La Crosse, Wisconsin. I'm a person who is not good at dating or starting a personal relationship. So far, I only had two ex-girlfriends, but I'm going out with one girlfriend right now and her name is Peaches. The only thing that I don't date girls much is because I don't know how to talk to them. Now I had just learned to socialize with girls and it's only because of this incident that happened to me at my work place (Starbuck's in Onalaska).
It was November 15 2007; I was working on a Friday night. I was on my thirty minute break and I was sitting in the crew room, which is just a small room in the back that you can sit in there and do nothing while you're on break. Then a lady called Heather in to get her bag, clothes and she was leaving for home. She looked so hot or pretty that I just glanced at her for a long time. Heather recognized I was looking at her so she asked me, "Why are you staring at me?"
Well, it has been a long day and I'm bored so I tried to joke around with her by replying that she is "fat." She got this nasty look in her face and walked outside. I didn't know what else to do so I leave her alone. Five minutes later, she talked with a manager, who is Jessica and told her what happened. After that, Jessica came up to me and said, "Doe, you better apologize to Heather for what you just called her. You jerk!"
I thought about it and walked over to Heather because she has not left for home yet. I asked her what she is doing and she replied to me that is just waiting for her ride home with a very sad and depressed tone. I eye contacted her, I apologize to her that I was just joking around, and I'm sorry. Somehow she wouldn't except my apologies and kept having that sad and depressed look in her face, because I called her fat. I tried repeatedly to apologize but there's no use because she kept ignoring me.
Something clicked in my mind and I thought that I would be a great idea to do. My plan is to convince Heather that I'm fatter then she is, because of weight. Therefore, I asked her, "How much you weigh?"
She looked at me and she gave me her mad-dog face and replied, "I'm not telling."
Then I went on by saying that I'm one hundred and sixty-five pounds and said, "I bet you weigh lighter then me."
She turns away and sort of gave me "the cold shoulder." Jessica heard what I had said and yelled at me by saying, "Doe, you're not suppose to ask a girl how much they weighs!"
However, a couple days later, she finally excepted me apologies and she became my friend of mine.
From this incident at work, I have learned not to joke around with people that much, especially girls. I had also learned that if I call some fat, somebody else will call me some thing bad like a "jerk." Over all, the two most important things I have learned is to not call a girl fat or ask them about their weights because it's a really sensitive and touchy subject for them.
Did this statement work? Not really, as you might expect, this student was accepted or rejected at campuses based mainly on his academic record.
A Better One
Who am I? Why am I here? It all begins when the Secret War started. My father was helping the United States fight the Viet Congs to put an end to communism. Unfortunately, it put an end to my father's life, leaving behind my mom, my three sisters, my three brothers, and myself. The war separated my family and corrupted many of our lives, which left us no place to live and little money. The United States promised that they would help us immigrate to their country and live in a better place, a better world. After my mom remarried in 1993, we came to America, which we viewed as a place of the free, a place for peace, and just simply a better place to start a new life.
America was so welcoming, beautiful, and peaceful, and that made me feel happy and secure. Nevertheless, I went through many challenges in the first couple of years in America, such as learning a new language that I had never heard or spoken before, making new friends, and adapting to the changes of then a new environment. I remember my first day of going to school. I was nervous, shy, and scared not knowing what to do or what to say, so I decided to not speak at all. I was lost in the school and was not sure where to go and for obvious reasons I did not ask for directions. Other issues that occurred were financial issues, transportation, and interpretation. We were low on money, so my siblings and I do not always get the best clothes to wear. I only one pair of tennis shoes and I wore it for more than one year. Since we were new to this country, we depended on our sponsor to drive us places and for most of the time for at least 2 months we had an interpreter. What could I do? How could I help? I was only a young and innocent 6 year old.
In 1995, my family then moved to La Crosse, WI. Again, I had to start all over. Growing up, I learned to better myself academically and gain knowledge because both of my parents did not know English. I quickly found out that, life for my siblings and I was a little harder than that of an American kid. The economic and social struggle made me want to strive to be the best I can be. This struggle also encouraged me stay in school and worked hard to prove my abilities and success.
Over the years, I have overcome many challenges and taken many opportunities, for instance, trying out for a sport, asking questions, joining a club, and so on. One of the greatest experiences I've had through high school was during my freshman year, I decided to join Upward Bound, a Trio program funded by the government to help lower income families to prepare for the future and further their children's education. Participating in the summer program that Upward Bound offered made a difference when looking at my future goals and potential colleges and careers. I met so many different people, listened to college professors' lectures, and took future courses. Through this program I realized that education is extremely important and I know why my parents encouraged me so much to always do good in school. Another challenge I took was participating in our fencing team at school my sophomore year. I gained self-confidence, teamwork, and social skills from fencing. Furthermore, I took the position as president for the recently-formed Asian Student Club at school. Honestly, I was a little nervous at first to take this position, but I felt responsible enough and felt that I could set a good example for the rest of the members. I also took challenges outside of school. One of the challenges is my first job at Prada as a cashier. My first job experience was a real challenge for me. I had to set goals to meet the store expectations such as, asking each and every customer to apply for a Prada charge card and giving great customer service. I had some good days and bad days, but most importantly, I learned what I was capable of doing and how to deal with stress. Working at Prada had increasingly helped me improved on my social skills, people skills, and problem solving skills.
I have come a long way, but I still want to go on and further pursue my future goals and be successful. I am willing to take chances and seek for new opportunities to improve myself physically, emotionally, and intellectually. I am not afraid to try new things and can easily adapt to new changes. I always try and do my best out of everything, even if I have to go that extra mile to get what I need or want. In one way or another, it will pay off, benefit me, and put me to an advantage. Last, the motto "a diploma can get you further than a Lexus" will literally be in the palm on my hands if I put my heart and my mind into it.
Did this statement work? Yes, with some minor grammatical work and paragraph restructuring, the student--who had a strong academic record--was accepted at every college he/she applied to, including two Big Ten schools. It does a great job conveying his/her story and experience.
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